dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
