yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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