I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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