you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
