the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
