I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
