so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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