I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
