I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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