Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
