I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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