He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
