bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
