Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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