As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
