if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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