the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
