that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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