I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
