I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
