his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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