I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jerry, you need to find god
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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