you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
