i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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