I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
