you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
