he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
