i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
