So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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