So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
