Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
