he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
