Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
