Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
