You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
