She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
