We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
