you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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