I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
