And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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