SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
