Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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