Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
