dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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