I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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