Dual....:-)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
