im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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