we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
