My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this boner is exhausting
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
