Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
