it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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