as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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