I wish I could teleport
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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