I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
