Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
