I'm really into asian looking animals
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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