we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
