i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
