I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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