Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
