my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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