if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
