He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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