Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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