So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
