How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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