Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
