I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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