Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Damn victory sex feels great
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
