WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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