your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
