Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
