how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
