he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
