and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
