No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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