i may or may not be watching the land before time
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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