About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
