there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
