I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
