Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
