If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
