then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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