I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
third nipple confirmed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
